Michael Phelps the “Baltimore Bullet”, the untouchable, the champion. We hear this over and over again from the media and what we see on television. 23 gold medals. TWENTY-THREE. Michael Phelps is the image of dedication, talent and unparalleled success. But aside from the glory, Phelps faces many problems like you and I.
Bubbling underneath the surface of this person who is always under the spotlight was a complicated relationship with his father. The baggage from his father tore at the super star, eventually even causing Michael to consider ending his life.
His father, Fred divorced his mother when Phelps was only nine. When asked about his father, the swimmer says, “Im not going to put my energy into something that I thought was a dead-end street.”
As time passed, the relationship between Phelps and his father did not get any better. Michael continued to ignore his emotional problems while pursuing his goals.
It wasn’t until Phelps met Bob Bowman, his current swim coach that Phelps really started having a father figure in his life.
Bowman’s job? It goes beyond just working on technique and the pursuit of excellence in the pool. Bowman had to deal with the emotional baggage that was built up over the years due to a missing father. He says sometimes Michael would get really emotional and when they would talk about it, it would boil down to something that had to do with Michael’s father.
As time passed, 2008 came around where Phelps took 8 gold medals in Beijing. This was unheard of, a feat accomplished by only by Michael. Although the medals are impressive, they did nothing to ease the frustration Michael was feeling.
Phelps says, “I despise the image of perfection created,” and started having thoughts about quitting the sport.
The troubles just did not stop for Michael… 6 months after Beijing, the infamous bong photo.
A low-blow, kicking the star when it really started to hurt. The release of the photo was more than just damage to his reputation. Bowman says it really hurt him emotionally because after the incident, Michael didn’t trust anyone. He says Phelps only trusted his mother, his coach, and a handful of other people.
It wasn’t until London 2012, that Phelps decided that everything was too much for him. Deciding to officially retire from the swimming scene as the most decorated olympian of all time.
Phelps says at the time, “I wanted nothing to do with the sport. I’m done. I’m done.”
Retirement meant freedom from obligations and fun that he has never known. The star did whatever he wanted to do.
By this point Phelps had enough money and friends outside of the swimming circle to completely isolate himself from everyone. Not dealing with anyone and just focusing on having fun, a self destructive life style.
After retirement, eventually the boredom caught up. Phelps started having thoughts about coming back for one last olympic-Rio 2016.
Bowman was against this. Telling Phelps, “No, we could not do that. We can’t go through this again.” The star somehow convinced his coach, saying, “Ill do things the right way.”
But it wasn’t before long that the star failed to live up to his promise.
December 30th 2014, Phelps calls his current wife and tells her he’s done. Phelps has been drinking at the Horseshoe casino in Baltimore where he was pulled over by police for going 81 in a 55 in a no passing allowed fort Mackenzie tunnel.
The Breathalyzer test revealed a BAC of .14, twice the legal limit. Phelps was then arrested and charged with a DUI, his second one within 10 years. He says he had one thought in his mind, “I’m f—ed up, I’m a failure and I was just screaming for help.”
Upon hearing the news, Bowman kind of felt like this was it. The third strike and his ability to be Michael Phelps was kind of over.
For the next 5 days, the star locked himself in his room, not eating, drinking or sleeping. In the room just constantly beating himself over the incident over and over again.
Phelps started having thoughts about just ending his life. He says his thought process was, “Hm… second one, how many times is he going to mess up?” Michael felt as if everyone would just be better without him, “People won’t have to deal with the bullshit and crap that I put them through.” Phelps really hit rock bottom here.
It wasn’t until advice from his long time friend, mentor and fellow Baltimore icon- Ray Lewis lifted Phelps from the abyss he was in.
Lewis says Phelps was in a bad place. Lewis called his friend and said, “This is when we fight. This is when real character shows up because if you shut down, we all lose.” But it was to no avail.
The star was in a self defeating cycle saying, “I just f–k up.”
With the help of the people closest to Phelps, he finally decided seek professional help. Phelps was admitted to The Meadows, a rehabilitation facility right outside of Phoenix.
The process was not easy. The star describes seeking for help as the scariest moment in his life and the first time he has ever felt fear. He was outside his comfort zone and he didn’t like that.
Phelps says, “I think when you find your lowest point in your life you are kind of open to a lot of things to try and change it and to try and get back on the right path.”
In the image below, you can see Michael thinking back to that time and feel the sorrow emitting from him.
Michael spent 45 days at the Meadows. At the Meadows, the star buried himself in a book Lewis recommended to him, “The Purpose Driven Life.” It wasn’t until Michael started really reading this book that he started to get out of his self defeating cycle. Phelps allegedly called Lewis saying, “Bro, I can’t thank you enough, you saved my life.”
The lessons learned through therapy and the pages of the book eventually convinced Phelps to try and rebuild his relationship with his father, Fred.
Upon finishing therapy, Michael decides to have a family week where everyone can bond where he sends his father an invitation. Phelps says he wasn’t even going to send an invitation since he didn’t think his father was going to show up. Quoting Phelps, “I was at a point where…why would I just want another no in my life?” A heartbreaking situation, a relationship full of unsolved issues.
When interviewed, Fred said, “I immediately jumped on. I RSVPed. ill be there.” When asked why, holding back tears, he said, “He’s my son. I love him.”
At the family week, things went a lot better than what both parties thought it would. Both parties said it was the biggest learning experience that we could have with one another about one another. It was something that we never had in our lives. The father describes the experience saying, “Heres what I need to say and heres what I need to ask and it was honesty…both ways.”
Michael said this was a big issue for him emotionally. He didn’t want a “what if” situation where something bad happens to his father and they never had this experience. He said sharing his emotions with his father was what he really need. Michael says it was something he wanted to share with him, “It was something I kind of missed as a kid.”
The heartbreaking relationship was truly touching. Miscommunication and the fear of rejection from both parties made both the father and son hesitant to reach out.
“It didn’t get better dad,” Phelps told his dad.
The father says the hardest part was leaving Michael because he wanted his son back. He cries on camera saying he didn’t want to leave him and was hesitant to talk to his child because he was afraid of the unknown. The father now sobbing on camera says, I wish I would have reached out sooner because when I did, there was love.
Finally after tying the lose ends that were long over due. November 2014, Phelps resumed training for Rio 2016.
Three months after training, Phelps proposed to his current wife-Nicole. The couple soon started a family, giving birth to a son on May 5th. Regaining his life back after letting go of the baggage he was carrying, things are starting to look up for Michael.
Phelps closing statement, “It is just the best, just being able to have the people who love me for me. Always there everyday supporting me. It is just incredible. It hasn’t been an easy road, we had some bumps in it but I had a goal of making my 5th olympic team and i’m enjoying the ride more now that I ever had in the past.”
A truly touching story about the emotional issues Michael Phelps deals with due to a missing father figure. The situation did not get better with the passage of time, it got better when he confronted the problem.
Like anyone of us, super stars like the swimmers are vulnerable to personal problems too. We can all learn from Phelps to tackle our problems and that we are all capable of achieving great things in our lives.
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