Recognizing manipulation is crucial for maintaining healthy boundaries. Signs include guilt-tripping, gaslighting, and shifting blame. Trust your instincts; if something feels off, it probably is.
Getting close to you too quickly
Emotional manipulators often skip steps in the usual getting-to-know-you phase, diving in fast with their so-called darkest secrets and vulnerabilities. They aim to hook you quickly, but it’s all part of their manipulative plan. This is often mistaken by the recipient as instant chemistry.
You apologize even though it’s not your fault
Manipulators often play the victim to avoid responsibility for their actions, making you feel compelled to “help” them. They’re so skilled at this that you end up apologizing to them, even when they’re in the wrong.
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The silent treatment
Manipulators may give you the silent treatment, ignoring your calls, emails, or messages. They use silence to gain control, making you feel responsible for their behavior.
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They’re into intellectual bullying
If someone overwhelms you with jargon, statistics, or facts when you ask them a question, you may be experiencing a form of emotional manipulation. Some manipulators act as if they are experts, especially in financial situations, which can be dangerous.
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You’re made to feel bad for speaking out
If you ask questions or make suggestions, an emotional manipulator may respond aggressively or try to draw you into an argument. This strategy allows them to control your choices and influence your decisions.
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Bureaucratic bullying
In a business setting, a manipulator may try to weigh you down with paperwork, procedures, or red tape to hinder your progress. This often occurs if you express scrutiny or ask questions that expose their flaws or weaknesses.
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They ignore your problems but will talk about theirs
If you have a bad day, an emotional manipulator may seize the opportunity to bring up their own issues, invalidating your experiences and forcing you to focus on them instead.
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It’s a “joke” when they’re mean
Critical remarks by a manipulator may be disguised as humor or sarcasm. They pretend it’s a joke, but they’re actually trying to plant seeds of doubt. If you don’t respond, they escalate and continue with further ‘jokes’.
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They act like martyrs
A common tactic of manipulators is agreeing to help but then dragging their feet or avoiding their agreement. They may act as if it’s a huge burden, exploiting your emotions to get out of doing it.
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Zero accountability
Emotional manipulators refuse to accept responsibility for their errors. They might try to make you feel guilty for everything, so you end up apologizing, even if they’re the ones at fault. They might say something like, “I only did it because I love you so much.”
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One-upping you
When you’re feeling elated, emotional manipulators can find a reason to take the spotlight away from you. If you’ve had a tragedy or setback, they might try to make their problems seem worse or more urgent. They may even make something up to shift the attention back to them.
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They use your insecurities on you
When manipulators know your weak spots, they use them to wound you by making comments and taking actions meant to leave you feeling upset and vulnerable. For example, if you have a task to do, they may say you must be feeling bad or nervous about it, making you feel insecure.
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They love criticizing you
Emotional manipulators may degrade or dismiss you without any pretense of sarcasm or humor. Their comments are designed to chip away at your self-esteem, ridiculing and marginalizing you because of their own insecurities.
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Using your feelings against you
If you’re feeling upset, a manipulator may try to make you feel guilty for having those feelings. They might accuse you of not being invested enough or of being unreasonable. Once they see they’re affecting your emotions, they feel a sense of power and continue their manipulation.
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They go for guilt tripping or ultimatums
During a disagreement or fight, a manipulative person can make dramatic statements that put you in a difficult spot. They may target emotional weaknesses with inflammatory statements to get an apology out of you, all done so subtly that you’re unaware of their manipulation.
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They’re passive aggressive
A passive-aggressive person will often sidestep confrontation by using others, like your friends, to communicate instead of directly addressing issues. They may also talk about you behind your back to co-workers, especially in a workplace setting.
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They will deny what they just said
This technique is meant to make you question and be uncertain of your memory of events. When you no longer feel certain about what has happened, they can then pin the problem on you. This makes you feel responsible for the misunderstanding, and they’ve won.
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They allow you to speak first
Letting you speak first and giving your views isn’t done out of politeness. The emotional manipulator, in their quest to control you, will ask probing questions early on so you share your concerns and thoughts. They then use your answers to manipulate your decisions.
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You’re left to question your sanity
Gaslighting is a manipulative method where someone tries to make you believe that you can no longer trust your own instincts or experiences. They make you think that things that happened are a figment of your imagination, so you lose a sense of reality.
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They’re too calm in moments of trouble
Manipulative individuals often react in the opposite way to the person they are manipulating, especially in emotionally charged situations. They do this to make you feel oversensitive. You then gauge your reaction based on theirs and decide you were the one out of line.
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They isolate you from others
Talking to other trusted people in your life can help you see through the manipulation. A manipulator often tries to make you feel like they’re the only person you can trust. To continue their tactics, isolation is essential, as they want to eliminate the chance of their victim realizing what’s happening.
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Starting fights
A manipulator may escalate a healthy discussion into a toxic argument by blowing the current conflict out of proportion and bringing up past conflicts. They seek to invalidate your feelings and exert control over the situation.
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They involve others in your fights
Known as ‘triangulation,’ this tactic complicates standing up for yourself as the manipulator involves friends, family, or co-workers on their side. They frequently enlist others in your close circle to address the issue, making it appear as if you are the problem.
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Twisting facts
Manipulators are masters at altering reality and switching it with fibs and misstatements to confuse you. They might exaggerate events to make themselves seem vulnerable, and you’ll have no idea it’s an act. Without knowing it, you are playing right into their hands.
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They’re always right
Even if you catch a manipulator in a lie or mistake, they likely won’t admit to it. Instead, they’ll find a way to justify their actions or shift the blame onto someone else. They have a knack for twisting conversations and actions to make themselves appear as the good guy.
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Attempts to dehumanize you
Abruptly cutting off all communication is a highly effective way of dehumanizing you and gaining control. Once they succeed, you’ll do just about anything to stop feeling the punishment they’re inflicting.
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They threaten to share things
A partner might manipulate you by threatening to reveal information about you. For instance, they could say they’ll tell your mom about your spending habits unless you comply with their demands. This type of threat emotionally manipulates you into acting in a certain manner.
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Ultimatums
In relationships, ultimatums are typically a last resort in cases of a potentially relationship-ending disagreement. However, in an emotionally manipulative partnership, they may be regularly used to instill fear and exert control. This can reach a point where you feel frightened regardless of whether you comply or not.
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They hide stuff from you
You may notice they act secretively at times, perhaps taking phone calls in another room or going places without telling you. If you make an arrangement without informing them, they’re likely to react with anger. This behavior stems from their own insecurities.
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They take advantage of your kindness
An emotional manipulator will exploit your needs to gain control. They target kind and trustworthy individuals, offering to help out but then distort reality to their advantage. This is their way of tricking you into believing you need them.
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Random emotional outbursts
You can’t keep up with their emotions because they have regular outbursts of a range of emotions. They often use these outbursts to elicit a specific reaction from you or to make you feel a certain way. For instance, they might cry in response to you bringing up something you’re angry about, aiming to make you feel bad.
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Gaslighting
The gaslighting never ends! You find yourself constantly apologizing for things you’re not entirely sure you’ve done wrong, simply because you’ve been conditioned (and manipulated) to always apologize. Your self-esteem is at an all-time low because of it, and your knee-jerk reaction to anything that’s gone wrong is that it’s your fault.
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Talented liar
To be a master manipulator, you need to be a good liar. If you’ve noticed they’re constantly able to make up convincing stories on the spot—not just little white lies but huge, elaborate ones—they’re adept at twisting things to suit their agenda. Chances are, they’re manipulating you this way too.
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You’ve been isolated
A manipulative partner or friend often seeks to isolate you, making you depend on them and more likely to do what they want. You may have realized that you’ve gradually distanced yourself from friends and family, leaving the manipulator as the primary person in your life.
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Always agreeing with you
It’s wonderful when you get along with someone, but have you noticed that they agree with everything you say and always claim to like the same things you do? This behavior can indicate a people-pleaser, but it can also suggest someone trying to manipulate your opinion of them by saying what you want to hear.
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But they say different things to others
Manipulators often don’t limit their manipulation to just one person. If you’ve noticed that they agree with everything you say but then contradict themselves with someone else, it could be because they’re changing their views for each individual to manipulate them better individually.
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They like humiliating you
One way people can manipulate you is by humiliating you, especially in front of others. This gives them power in controlling how you act or feel. They might insult you or tell offensive “jokes” in front of others, trying to elicit a specific reaction by making you feel like a fool or embarrassed.
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They keep an eye on you when you’re away
Manipulators don’t like it when you’re away somewhere without them, like on a night out or a vacation, because it means they can’t manipulate you easily due to the distance. That’s why they’ll still try to keep tabs on you and manipulate you from afar. They might constantly message you, call you, or ask for updates.
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You’re always anxious or feeling guilty
You can tell a lot by your permanent state of being, even when they’re not around. If someone has constantly manipulated you, it might leave you in a state of anxiety or feeling constantly on edge, as though you’re waiting for their next outburst or guilt trip, or wondering if anything you do will be the wrong thing.
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They’re kind then mean in a short period of time
A manipulator often keeps you on your toes by luring you into a false sense of security through excessive kindness. They might be exceptionally sweet and loving, only to later turn on you, becoming angry or blaming you for something. This tactic is designed to confuse you, which is what they want.
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