@tanner_kennedy says:

“A haircut by someone other than your mom may help with that virginity issue.”

@scruntfuttock:

“Your doorknob is going to wear fewer socks than Oscar Pistorius.”

@REALITY_PUNCH says:

“Looks like your belly is having a party that your legs weren’t invited to.”

@Canbrahthug:

“What’s black and sits at the top of the stairs? You after a house fire.”

@moderlover77 says:

“By work do you mean stealing change from the park fountain”

@eferreira21:

“I find it funnier that you lied saying you have a job.”

@jaques_lapatate says:

“This thread will have more content than the video you’ll make about it.”

@papstopithurts:

“I always see your vids on my feed, but i never click on them.”

@GunnNNife says:

“I’ll have a large chocolate Frosty, please.”

@Feltz:

“You look like a stop sign.”

@pb_2578 says:

“He ghosted you cause you stole Christmas.”

@tom814

“You look like The Grinch cosplaying a teen girl.”

@Putt_Bunyon says:

“You seem awful cocky for a chauffeur.”

@seanmcdoogle07:

“You are the same as your most valuable asset… Depreciating quickly.”

@tohones82 says:

“Your dad is going to be PISSED when he sees you wearing his uniform.”

@kensomniac:

“A Marine holding a sign that doesn’t say “Anything helps” and “God Bless.” But, seriously, work on your handwriting. No one is going to be able to read that from their car.”

@FeistyLighterFluid says:

“You look exactly how I imagined a person writing with his own ***t would look.”

@cherrysenpai:

“Looks like Humpty Dumpty survived the fall.”

@PCM97 says:

“Probably added those freckles with a brown Crayola marker.”

@RealKenny:

“TIL syphilis is only contagious for 14 days.”

@Picks_Locks_Gets_Money says:

“You look like your pacifier was made of asbestos.”

@AVZ075:

“You look like you get dirty looks getting house cleaning supplies.”

@iamdkallday says:

“I can tell you’ve let alot of N-bombs slide for the sake of having friends.”

@fatbeard_rh63:

“The black gay friend that popular girls put on display to show they’re inclusive.”

@Mystenon says:

“Gimme the location of the pot o’ gold before you aren’t able to anymore. You can do it buddy, we all believe in you.”

@TheFakeZzig:

“Dibs on his cat.”

@111anon111 says:

“The decor matches your personality.”

@ZuluPapa:

“When you finally get married some guy is gonna say, ‘I guess…'”

@FecalMatterOfFact says:

“When the back hair and neck beard merge he’s really going to have to watch out for Sasquatch hunters.”

@iamwildedible:

“It’s like Daniel Radcliffe and Robert Pattinson had a baby with all of their worst traits.”

@Robin_The_Bird says:

“Somehow manages to sound like she’s been throat punched 24/7.”

@Pina42:

“You brag to guys that you made the cheerleading team sophomore year.”

@p_velocity says:

“Is it ok to roast someone when he hasn’t discovered fire yet?”

@Ozzi_Motto:

“Looks like you recently got set free from a block of ice.”

@prezzz says:

“I honestly don’t know what age, ethnicity or gender you are. You’re the person that would make any police sketch artist want to retire.”

@MyDInYourMouth:

“My compliments to the Dog Filter on your phone…”

@christawfer47 says:

“If ‘can I bum a cigg’ was a person.”

@screams_too_much:

“All I can see is you saying ‘bud’ after every sentence.”

@Agnostix says:

“What do you floss your teeth with, a mattress?”

@bloodshake:

“Not just a Gap between your teeth but the whole damn mall.”

@ravenousld3341 says:

“Dude in the back looks like he can get skin cancer from the moon.”

@notarlo_:

“The indoors have not been so kind to Julian Assange.”

@Elysiaxx says:

“Do you really need three clocks to let you know your fifteen minutes are up?”

@BaggyBadgerPants:

“You’re “Paris Hilton popular”, but only because your tits are bigger than hers.”

@ObviousBob says:

“Next time drink the bleach.”

@2-4-decadienal5:

“12 Angry Virgins.”

@flogis14 says:

“Since the nose is done can you do something about the rest of the face?”

@kamakazi451:

“You ever been so ugly that the oxygen around you doesn’t want to be inhaled.”

@dampkringd says:

“No need to roast you, by the look of how fast you’re deteriorating you’ll be getting roasted in the crematorium soon enough.”

@CodeBlooded_:

“Damn, dude. Did life itself divorce you?”

@playerhateroftheyear says:

“Looks like you were poured into your bra and forgot to say when.”

@Ryan0190:

“-Never asked to prom. *wears a prom dress for every outing to Walmart.”

@LitPeasant says:

“If I were you, I would unfriend myself.”

@hdhoolum:

“50% of these replies are her posting them from other profiles.”

@veryheavycoat says:

“You don’t need an orange vest. No one is going to hit that.”

@FizzleFred:

“Have you had the “someday this will all be yours” chat with your son on top of the dump pile yet?”

@stoutgnome says:

“You’re that kid who shows up to Economics in a suit and tie, and no one can figure out if they’re a missionary or just trying too hard.”

@Wonely_Lolf:

“Lemme guess. You have a crush on her but she has a crush on your dad.”

@XSilent_DevilX says:

“You look like if Al Yankovic actually listened to his own lyrics in Eat It.”

@WalksOnWalter:

“The only Deadpool I can see is your gene pool.”

@lurkandload says:

“I’m sorry about all of this… Not your situation, but this picture I’m looking at.”

@A5madal:

“Looks like that bottom tooth is trying to leave you for your boyfriend too.”

@beerbellyd says:

“Never seen a piece of paper held like fried chicken before.”

@ProfDaLi:

“You look as sharp as your jaw line.”

@ojsimpsondidntdoit says:

“My first thought was…damn Whoopi Goldberg shaved her dreads.”

@Neil_BananaPeel:

“I don’t know dude, you look like the male equivalent of the friendly black lunch lady that calls me sugar.”

@sugarfreelemonade says:

“If MLK had a nightmare.”

@mreyes1798:

“I was scrolling and when I first saw your hair I couldn’t tell if it was a ginger root or a tarantula.”

@theknackerbags says:

“Kim jong very ill.”

@whiskey-talks:

“Sir I understand it’s in your mouth but you may not leave with food from the buffet.”

@chudnstuff says:

“This dude’s breakfast consists of a spruce tree and a side of acorns.”

@Pholphin:

“Bro if your eyes were any closer together you’d be a cyclops.”

@SPORT-FIFTY says:

“More like dessert storm.”

@Here7breaker:

“Suffering from PTSD: Put The Sugar Down.”

@harpsm says:

“How horrible for your patients that the first thing they see after getting clear vision is your face.”

@tom814

“But doc, why are you using a rag and a bottle of chloroform to dilate my eyes?”

@mentorsworld says:

“Your face says, ‘I’m going to tell mom’.”

@cherryblossmbomb:

“You look like you just accidentally swallowed your lips.”

@limark says:

“Must suck that cancer is the only thing that saw your junk and came back for seconds.”

@CubanHermes:

“No nut November is going to have double meaning for you this year.”

@everygobblecock says:

“Unemployable*.”

@pk_buggy:

“Did you just photoshop “r/roastme” over a picture of a hobo holding up a “will work for food” sign?”

@Lightoftheworld_ says:

“Except for the background, this looks exactly like every picture taken at an Adult Video Convention.”

@MikeSuke:

“If this dude hasn’t installed 3 hidden cameras in her house by now I will eat my own dick.”

@compilationkid says:

“Yeah… cant really roast someone when they’re already lit.”

@kevbino13:

“What’s it like to play hacky Sack with your balls?”

@WhiskeyNovemberSix says:

“Does your employer know you follow the rule of ‘One for them, one for me’?”

@spangoloid:

“You look like the sort of person who would try to eat a pie chart.”

@picklocksget_money says:

“Your wall looks like a memorial for removed tattoos.”

@ofernando84:

“Good luck with art school! It should prepare you for your future career of selling cake sitting videos online.”

@gdubh says:

“She used to have two eyebrows but she shaved the top one off.”

@brockali:

“Where have you been living since Notre-Dame burned down?”

@1stgradenightmares says:

“Slumdog Millionhairs.”

@doubleclapmedia:

“How much longer are you planning on not getting laid?”

@playsomezelda says:

“I’ve never seen someone use a dog collar to cover up an Adam’s apple before.”

@StabMyEyes:

“You have a bright future in Bukake videos.

@harpsm says:

“I thought goats were supposed to be good at climbing rocks.”

@tom814:

“That’s quite the sacrifice just to make anyone look at you twice.”

@SGTwhocares says:

“Your parents don’t count as friends.”

@tafel_lager:

“There’s this thing called puberty that you should try. It does wonders for teenagers.”

@flyboy1075 says:

“I bet she has an autographed bible.”

@drewmiester90:

“When she asked to be cremated this isn’t what she meant.”

@DeluxeSleeper says:

“On a scale of 1-10 how devastated is your gf that you survived?”

@Maiden14:

“At least your girlfriend was kind enough to hold the “roast me” sign for you.”

@AbeFalcon says:

“You have a face for online courses.”

@KingZummo:

“If you take those glasses off you know that nose is coming off with them…”

@YunngMa says:

“I bet you have air friends too.”

@EmailioEstevez:

“It must be easy when you’re used to fingering things that don’t exist.”

@DirtyMikeAndTheBoahs says:

“Would you say an above average number of Amber Alerts go off in your town?”

@ZMyers450:

“Looks like he got caught jerking off in an airplane restroom. Blacklisted. Then cut his hair off, changed identity, then got caught again.”

@jerzyshore1 says:

“In related news, 27 half human half goat babies have been found in your surrounding community.”

@LeCielCris:

“Do girls like baaad boys?”

@madsadgladchad says:

“Dollar store Velma Dinkley.”

@upermans:

“You wouldn’t even be successful if you were the only audition for Meg in a family guy parody porn.”

@Lenticalino says:

“This dude don’t need an alarm he can hear the sun come up in the morning.”

@JoumanaKayrouz:

“Homeboy would be an unfair advantage on a sailing team.”

@thebarracudabrother says:

“If you tried to give me CPR I would probably throw myself back under water.”

@JohnWad:

“Sitting in the corner of the backyard, creeping at your little sister’s underage friends during her birthday party, doesn’t make you a lifeguard.”

@heyradar says:

“Which sword do you use to cut your sh*ts up so they’ll flush?”

@49Gold:

“The Last Hamurai.”

@cajungator3 says:

“It’s like if John Lennon ate Yoko on a sailboat.”

@-castle-bravo-

“Unlike Jesus, nobody’s nailing you…”

@topsideup25 says:

“It’s called being homeless, Mark. Now get the ***k out of my basement.”

@playsomezelda:

“If Midlife Crisis had an awareness poster.”

@BorisChechev says:

“I can tell you right now that you’re gonna need to settle.”

@CleverSpaceMonkey:

“You’re obviously not worth the 2 chickens & the 1 goat.”

@MCShoveled says:

“Damn dude, grow a pair… of anything.”

@hTOKJTRHMdw:

“Glad you quit while you were a head.”

@binker98 says:

“If you cover the top half of her head she looks 16. If you cover the bottom half she looks 60. If you cover the entire thing she looks better.”

@RandyBandyleg:

“She looks like what morning breath smells like.”

@extremepanda1018 says:

“Your sex life is probably as neutral as your country.”

@Versailles801:

“Swiss Army? So you’re really just a paper weight with emotions…”

@Zaggie says:

“Whatever keeps you out of the playground.”

@Derpherpderpdeederp

“I bet your parents were so annoyed when you proudly trotted back upstairs with what they thought might keep you out of their living area for the day.”

@Apollomod123 says:

“This guy thinks getting roasted will bring back his youth.”

@wrukonitsside:

“Is this another one of those videos where a guy is living in a storage unit?”

@NorthBandit88 says:

“You look like a homeless Jimmy Kimmel…”

@calgarycabron:

“Still trying to figure out how you wear out the belly of your shirt. Fingering your belly button, maybe?”

@InvisibleUndead says:

“I’ve seen livelier expressions from a morgue.”

@tom814:

“How is the sketch of you more appealing than the real you?”

@flippinbud says:

“Hope you realize that he’s jerked off thinking about every single one of you.”

@xAseriumx:

“The girl with glasses went overboard with getting ugly friends to make herself look hotter.”

@zomgitsdude says:

“‘Make sure they know I’m studying classic literature and that I’m vegetarian’ -her, probably”

@GIRANTINAGX:

“It’s like someone tried to draw Jessica Chastain with their left hand.”

@Gorilla69125 says:

“You thinking about getting those fixed? Or gnaw?”

@NittanySteve:

“I’ve seen sharks with fewer rows of teeth…”

@champbellamy says:

“She clearly has Furniture Syndrome. Her chest has sunk into her drawers.”

@tux_in_blue:

“She’s probably once believed she was going to save herself for marriage but lost it for a bag of weed.”