Ever curious about what really happens to bodies on a mortician’s table, beyond basic embalming? Dive into these revealing insights from morticians on the intricate and unsettling aspects of handling the deceased.
‘Decomposing Bodies Almost Always Have A Lime-Green Abdomen.’
In the intriguing world of mortuary work, morticians share unique experiences. They reconstruct skulls using denture adhesive and encounter lime-green abdomens in decomposing bodies. Unusual requests, like making a deceased spouse appear “perky,” add a human touch to the somber task. Decapitations entail intricate stitching and waxing, while severely dehydrated bodies, resembling jerky, are skillfully restored.
Rigor mortis nuances reveal the paradox of ‘hard’ but diminished genitalia. Blood settling upon death results in distinctive swelling patterns, such as a poignant case of facial asymmetry. Practical challenges include the need for extra cemetery plots for overweight individuals. Legal restrictions in Michigan prevent the simultaneous cremation of a mother and baby. Morticians also showcase their artistic skills, crafting entirely new faces using modeling clay, wax, and makeup.
Working On The Bodies Of People You Knew
Must be tough working on someone who was once close to you as narrated by this Redditor.
From u/Tejnin: “I’ve dealt with a few… That was rough, I cried. I haven’t had to work on someone super close yet but I’d rather work on them than someone else. I don’t trust anyone to do as good of a job with my loved ones as myself.”
After The Autopsy, You Get Your Organs Back
When the body reaches the embalmers after the autopsy technician completes their work, the process for a full autopsy involves undoing all sutures. The viscera, typically placed back inside, is removed again and immersed in a bucket filled with cavity fluid—a more concentrated form of the embalming fluid used in the vascular system. After tying off severed vessels, the injection and drainage of arterial fluid begin. Unlike a regular case, where injection and drainage are usually done through specific vessels, an autopsy case requires multiple vessels for the process.
Once embalming is complete, disinfected organs are returned to the abdomen, covered with a hardening compound, and the deceased is re-sutured. The brain, previously removed, is later placed back in the skull. The funeral director sets the brain inside, reattaches the calvarium, and secures it using pins or wiring. The skin is carefully pulled over the skull, secured with hidden sutures, and sealed to prevent leakage. Embalming powder may be applied, and plastic garments worn under clothes prevent wetness and keep the casket dry. Standard procedures, such as setting features, are done before injection, and wax with cosmetics conceals visible sutures.
For organ donors, the process resembles that of an autopsied body. Long bone donors, like femur donors, have a PVC pipe or dowel inserted to recreate natural form. Skin donors require cauterization in missing areas, typically the back, followed by dressing in plastic garments. If the eyes are donated, the cavity is disinfected, filled with cotton, an eye cap is placed, and the lids are closed.
Concerning Gunshot Wounds
Ever wonder what happens to victims who were shot?
Redditor u/Tejnin says:
“I worked on several cases before involving gunshot wounds. They take a lot of time: denture adhesive for putting bones back together and a lot of phenol to stop bruising, but both cases were good. I learned so many tricks for makeup that day.”
Q: If I Were To Donate My Balls, How Would You Remove Them?
It’s a weird question but donating body parts is a common practice. So if you’re curious, then here you go.
From a deleted user:
“Tie off the gonadal arteries, stitch you closed, and proceed as normal. I’m guessing it’s similar to having your testicles removed if you were to have testicular cancer, torsion, or some other disease process. Not having any myself, I’m not entirely sure of all that can go wrong with men.”
The Entire Organ Set Can Be Yanked Out In One Piece
The brain removal involves a scalpel cut from ear to ear, peeling the scalp in flaps and sawing the skull to pry off a cap, revealing the brain. After severing the brain’s connection to the spinal cord, it is lifted out. Post-examinations, organs may be preserved, incinerated, or placed in viscera bags back into the body. Closure involves ‘baseball’ stitches, resembling those on a baseball, to sew up the Y-incision. The skull cap is reattached and sewn into the scalp, marking the transition to the mortician’s care for embalming or cremation.
The Pay Isn’t Great, But The Payoff…
Not exactly a great career choice but it is fulfilling. In this life and the next.
From u/Tejnin:
“We don’t get paid enough… Like $50k/yr. I initially began my studies because I wanted to help people. I really do feel I make a difference when people can actually look at their loved one normally and peacefully instead of remembering a mangled damaged face. It brings closure.”
They “Pop” Your Organs With A Stick
So what happens to your organs when they’re no longer useful?
From u/Tejnin:
“I was never creeped out but that is probably because I’m a Halloween girl and my mom desensitized me with scary movies when I was little. I still am a little creeped out by the trochar though… It’s a long sharp hollowed-out ‘stick’ that has to be shoved into the abdomen in order to pop the fluid-filled organs. It’s attached to a suction hose and pulls out the fluids. Later a chemical is applied in the cavity to keep it preserved.”
Ghosts Aren’t That Common
Spooks and specters aren’t as common as movies and cartoons make you think.
From u/Tejnin:
“As for superstitions, I’ve always believed in ghosts but I thought, ‘Hey, if I die, I’d rather haunt Disney World than a funeral home.’ I only experienced something one time and that was around 10pm, after two years with no activity at the location. I had turned all the lights off in the chapel and when I went to check the casket door, the lights turned back on. I was nowhere near the switch. I haven’t experienced anything else at funeral homes.. Other places though, I have EVP and photos as well as experiences.”
Rigor Mortis Fun Facts
Almost like the human body has its last say even after taking its final breath.
From a deleted redditor:
“Well, all the bodies are in varying stages of mortis (rigor mortis, livor mortis, or algor mortis). Fun fact! Rigor affects both smooth and skeletal muscles, including hair follicles (resulting in postmortem ‘goose bumps’) and seminal vesicles (resulting in postmortem semen release).”
Your Teeth May Not Survive
That creepy broken smile is actually a thing but don’t worry, they won’t bite.
From a deleted user:
“Every embalmer has their ‘thing’ that creeps them out. Mine is teeth because I’ve had them break in half on me while doing mouth closures.”
An Over-Filled Body Starts To Crack
Another interesting fact to know. Question is, will a body burst?
From u/Tejnin:
“I’ve worked with a few older people who have been in the business for years. Legally they’re not supposed to embalm, but I think it was only in the 80s when they started enforcing in my state. They may not have current methods but I learned from them to improve myself. They usually get good results. I’ll just never fill a body until it’s rock hard like I saw once… The decedent started to wrinkle and crack after a few days.”
They May “Iron” Wrinkles Out Of Your Face
Almost like having work done to look gorgeous in the afterlife.
From u/Tejnin:
“Swelling goes down with a compress and we can actually ‘iron’ a face to remove wrinkles but it may never look the same. I do try my hardest but we can’t take anything away from a body. Even autopsies, we put the organs in a bag filled with cavity fluid and seal it back in the body. Your loved one is always whole.”
Surprise Discoveries Inside Dead Bodies
No wonder parents keep telling their kids to not put things in their mouths.
From a deleted user:
“You’d be surprised some of the things we’ve found inside people’s…orifices. Coins, lots of coins, car keys, bobby pins, LEGOS, fake nails, a wedding ring, and a flashdrive come to mind.
“The flash drive was empty apart from two photos of the flash drive.”
How To Protect Yourself Against Diseases
It is a very risky job dealing with the dead. Here’s a story from a Redditor.
From u/Tejnin:
“Personal protective gear. We wear respirators or masks to stop the airborne bacteria/viruses as well as formaldehyde (causes cancer). Apron, double layer of gloves, and usually a change of clothes… I actually scolded a parent once because a toddler dropped their pacifier on the ground and the parent put it back in.”
Lips Are Sutured Shut
That way, the mouth won’t hang open for visitors to see. Not exactly a pleasant site.
From a deleted user:
“As far as procedures of embalming go, I grew up around this so I’ve never really been disgusted or uncomfortable with any of these things, though I did find the method they use to secure the jaw closed a little weirder to me than most parts. Not quite sure why, it’s pretty simple after all…
“You place the pins with the wire attached into a little handheld gun, called a needle injector, which embeds the needles into the mandible and maxilla. Then you suture the lips together.”
“The Flesh Sloshed Right Off The Bone”
Here’s a freaky story for you to tell your friends.
From u/Tejnin:
“Um, either the completely decomposed guy or the leathery decapitation case. The decomposed guy had been found after rotting in his garage for three weeks in the summertime. He was covered in bugs, his skin was black and green, and the flesh sloshed right off the bone. I couldn’t do anything for that case, he was cremated.
The decapitation was cool because he had been released to labs and the anatomy students had dissected him. Our job was to put him back together. He was so dried out that we had to soak all of the skin and build new eyes, lips, and ears. We had to use wax and cosmetics to put his face back together once it was on. That was more cool than gross… I did accidentally stab myself with the suture needle trying to get through the ‘beef jerky’ flesh.. That was scary, luckily he had been embalmed so no disease!”
Eye Caps Plump Up Deflated Eyeballs
No, the deceased isn’t staring at you, but no worries if you get nightmares. That’s understandable.
From u/Tejnin:
“I’ve actually never seen a body that had its eyes shut before we set the features… They’re always open, and they deflate rapidly after death. It was something I had trouble getting over in the beginning, putting the eye caps in. They’re half-sphere devices that give the illusion of full eyeballs.”
Rapid Personality Changes
If you think doctors have it tough, imagine what morticians have to deal with on a daily basis.
From a deleted user:
“Not so much a secret, but we have to be able to go from joking around with your staff about something that happened the other day to being utterly somber and talking to the family so many times. Its quite the headf*ck.
“I once watched our embalmer doing his thing with a young man who’d died. He was having to go a bit extra as the guy had died in a confusing scenario so a full postmortem had had to be done. This involves amongst other things removal of the back of the skull. While he was working, the family of the deceased entered the home and wanted to discuss funeral arrangements.
“He had to get out of his surgeon’s kit, completely clean his visible skin, get his hair looking pristine, get suited and booted, and shoe shine his shoes in about three minutes.
“Then he had to go and talk to the family about the guy who he’d previously been embalming.
“It was quite an introduction to how quickly you have to be able to change your entire personality about something.”
Bones Are Crushed During Cremation
Bones are way tougher than most people think, hence the need for crushing.
From a deleted user:
“To crush the bones after they are removed from the retort, or cremation furnace, they are placed in the cremulator, or bone pulverizor. This is similar to a giant industrial blender, that can crush and grind. Some older models use giant heavy metal balls to crush down. The cremains are swept out of the different chambers, and put in a temporary container for the family, unless one has been provided to the crematorium for this purpose. Everything is going to go into the retort for cremation, and is not separated. If the casket had metal parts, those would be removed, however the heat is so high 1600-1800F, that everything else is blended in.
“Finding bits and pieces in the cremains is possible today, although that usually means the crematory operator is lazy. There shouldn’t be any lumps.
“Medical devices such as pacemakers have to be removed before cremation, as they can explode in the retort, destroying the crematorium. This kills the business. Jewelry is generally removed and given to the family before the actual cremation.”
No Strapless Dresses
There is a reason the deceased are fully dressed during the wake and for the funeral.
From u/Tejnin:
“Clients have some weird questions/requests for their loved one. Just please everyone, don’t ask to have your loved one wearing a strapless dress… We do the incisions around the distal (further away from the middle of the body) part of the clavicle.”
There’s A Stranger In Your House
It’s not a perfect burn if that’s what you’re thinking.
From a deleted user:
“About 99% of the cremated remains in the urn on your mantle are actually your relative. You’ve probably got bits and pieces of a couple other people in there.”
Large Plastic Screws Prevent Leaking
No one wants a leaky engine on an old car so what more do you expect from a loved one?
From a deleted user:
“There are large plastic screws that are shoved into peoples butts to stop stuff from leaking out all over the coffin during the viewing.”
Concerning Families Of The Deceased
Morticians do get caught up in family drama. Really isn’t an easy job.
From u/Tejnin:
“The people are interesting. There’s no telling how a family will react. I’ve had to break up fights and call cops, I’ve had to pull living people out of caskets who wanted to go with their loved one, I’ve had people who laugh the entire time. I’ve been threatened a lot too… Paperwork isn’t too bad but it’s tedious and few people know what their grandmother’s personal information is or where all the insurance paperwork went.”
Post-Mortem Penis Pump
So this conversation really happened. And yes, even in passing, guys will ask to look… manlier.
“Q: How can I make my penis look bigger and more alive?
A from u/Tejnin: Haha, lots of fluids… My friend told me when someone requested that. They hypodermically injected down from the abdomen… formaldehyde stiffens and preserves and enough of it swells the area (his testicles swelled too, though). I’ve only had to work on perking up breasts before.”
The Almighty Dollar, Or The Sleazy Details
Dying is expensive, and therefore a good investment for those looking into the business.
So says another Redditor:
“Casket markup is typically 150% from wholesale, but some places charge up to 3 or 4 times as much as what it costs them.
“Body donation to a science institute will cost the family $300-500 for the paperwork and transportation.
“If you buy your burial vault from a cemetery rather than a funeral home, it has more than likely been sitting outside exposed to all the elements for however long they have been waiting to sell it.
“Funeral directors are salesmen, but most are wonderful and caring people. A few will use sleazy tactics to sell you the most expensive bronze casket they have, usually through a guilt trip of ‘Your husband bought you so many nice things. Why not pay him back one last time?’
“Funeral homes intentionally place expensive caskets closer to the doors of the entrance because most people will buy the first one they see.
“Bodies have, and will, get mixed up from time to time due to human error.
“Funeral homes are a very referential business, and we have ways to make our names known. Gifting pastors and clergy allows us to be open to their congregations, and the same goes for nursing homes and retirement communities. All this info is from various books and meetings with funeral directors, as in four years I will be one. Hope this is informative.”
The Yuletide Rumor Is True
From u/Tejnin:
“Christmas is the worst… The elderly slip and fall while the young commit suicide… So sad.”
Mother/Child Deaths
Perhaps one of the saddest, most heartbreaking moments of a mortician’s job.
From u/Tejnin:
“If a mother dies giving birth, the medical examiner will always take the baby out to find cause of death. The baby and mother go through an autopsy. When they get to the funeral home, we can embalm both and keep them in the same casket. If the family wants cremation, we do have to cremate them separately and then the family can mix the remains.”
Concerning Odors
A question on everyone’s curious mind regarding the smell.
From u/Tejnin:
“… the fresh ones usually only smell like urine or fecal matter due to defecation, ones who have been long dead are terrible smelling. I have disinfectant when I open those bags.”
How To Reconstruct A Decomposed Body
A job that requires a touch of an artist. The point is to make the body look presentable after all.
From u/Tejnin:
“Clean it out, you apply a powder that dries it out and let it sit. When it’s dry, you can inject either through the arteries or using a needle into the skin so the bacteria dies. From there, there are chemicals that stop skin from sloshing and breaking, there’s wax to restore holes and destroyed features, airbrush covers pretty well… It’s a long process.”
Drowning Victims Require Extra Draining
Perhaps the body does act like a sponge when submerged for that long.
From u/Tejnin:
“The drowning instance was not experienced by me but a coworker, a young local boy with a mental handicap ran away over near Kalamazoo and they couldn’t find him. It was early winter when he vanished and in the early spring, they discovered his body. My coworker told me the boy stayed extremely well-preserved but was waterlogged. They drained the logged areas and used a wig to replace the hair but the family was able to have an open casket.”
Embalming Is Optional
Maybe the extra cost isn’t worth it for some.
From a deleted user:
“Most funeral homes in the US won’t allow a viewing if the body isn’t embalmed, for sanitation and health reasons. Some may allow a private viewing with just family. If you died from an infectious disease, you would be embalmed to protect others. There’s certain cases that embalming may be required by law, but in most cases it’s personal preference of the deceased and next of kin.”
The Obese Are Difficult To Work With
There’s just way more mass to deal with, and at dead weight at that.
From u/Tejnin:
“Obese people just have so much pressure and construction that you have to keep raising new arteries to inject and if it still fails, you have to go and take a needle all over the body to get fluid in…”
Potty Mouths Need Not Apply
The deceased don’t need to hear someone cursing at them. Yes, they can hear.
From u/Tejnin:
“Laws [in Michigan] have made it so you can’t even swear around the dead without losing your license and getting pegged with fines.”
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